If you let it, marriage can help you see who you are in the best and worst of times. In fact, in most marriage vows, the couples make a blind commitment to stay together through situations that they have yet to face. Now that’s courage!
What is it that makes couples think that they can weather any circumstance when they’ve never faced them together before? The short answer – because they love each other.
If love is all you need, why isn’t love working? The longer answer – because we fail to realize that the love needed to win in marriage is an action word, not a feeling.
For marriage to work, love must become a decision (take a deep breath, you can do it).
Without knowing your specific situation, people tend to make decisions around a few common themes: you are very thoughtful, you take your time, and you get advice. Right? That sounds easy enough! In fact, the recipe for the best decision-making should include a whole heap of knowledge, wise counsel, family and religious values, and a boat load of resources, as needed.
If love becomes a decision, instead of a feeling, we can become students of love – and marriage becomes our teacher.
When tough times come (and they will), when things go wrong, when you’re disappointed, or when you don’t agree, couples who choose to become students have a better chance of learning and growing through those hard times, instead of shutting down and perhaps walking away. As you encounter each conflict, you can take that opportunity to evaluate what worked and didn’t work based on how you and your spouse chose to respond to one another. If you’re honest, you’ll see that there is always a better way, you just have to choose it.
I invite you to reassess how you view your marriage when things look and “feel” bad. Instead of focusing on what your spouse isn’t doing or saying, examine how you respond when you don’t get your way. Conflict shows us what we’re really made of and provides strong indicators about the level of our emotional maturity. While these learnings can be frustrating, cheer up! You promised each other a lifetime together…remember?
You have plenty of time to become an “A” student, just don’t give up.
At Empower to Engage, we have resources available to support your entire family. This month we’re highlighting our 31-day marriage devotional as part of a holistic approach to strengthening the relational dynamics in your family.
Our book, Marriage Done Right Is Hard Work, (But It’s Worth It!) is a great resource to help you love one another more soberly with a greater commitment to work everything out – together. Pick up your copy today!
